everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
