My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
