You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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