He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
