i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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