Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
