he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
