I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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