He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize