if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
