Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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