i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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