So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
