Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
