There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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