i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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