my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize