I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
