non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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