im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
