You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
