I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
