he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
