If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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