In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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