fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
