i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
