goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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