i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
