I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
