Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
