butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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