We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
