awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize