seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
