What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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