Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
