6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
