youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
