I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
