Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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