I love black thongs
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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