The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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