So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
