You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
