i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
