I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
