he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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