Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
