If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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