Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
