Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
