fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
