I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
