I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
