just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
