Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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