I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
