it wasn't lemon gatorade
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
