We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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