My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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