White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
