I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
