sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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