Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
