Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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