Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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