Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize