I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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