Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
