Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
