She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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