Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
