Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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