White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
