Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
