If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
