I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A bitchslap is in order.
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