it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im holly from the hills drunk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize