Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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