we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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