just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
