you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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