Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
