I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
